Los Angeles, CA - Astronomers at the Griffith Observatory are feeling quite ashamed and hope to raise awareness on the behalf of one of the planets sharing our solar system. This week the planet Uranus is visible in the southern sky to the naked eye, and the planet has used this opportunity to set the record straight regarding its often inappropriately stated name.
Uranus (4.5 billion years of age), seventh planet from the sun, when viewed by scientists on the Griffith Observatory lawn, berated the gathered mass of scholars and intellects, demanding that jokes on the pronunciation of its name be stopped immediately.
"Look, guys. I'm getting sick of this," stated the planet. "Could you please just say my name without the requisite 'Your Anus' gags? Please, that's so 'Evening at The Improv' circa 1985. That's the best you can come up with? Really? Yeah, didn't see that coming. How funny you are. Those clown classes paid off for you," the planet continued in a sarcastic manner.
"You're supposedly the brightest of the bright. So, why is it me being singled out? Why aren't you all making Pluto jokes since he's a stupid Disney character? Why? Because you're uncreative, unfunny, and insensitive.
"I happen to know that there's three top astronomers out there named 'Dick' and you don't see me bagging on them. One's short, the other's tall, and the other is really freckly. You see me going on about 'Little Dick', 'Big Dick' and 'Spotted Dick'? No. Because unlike you lot, I actually care about the feelings of other beings. You are all pathetic."
With that, the planet gathered its more than 20 moons and continued its orbit, making plans to make future naked eye viewings more difficult until a formal apology from the Earth is delivered. Astronomers hope to make a large Hallmark "We're Sorry" card available to the public by early next week.