Print this
Topics: dating

Monday, 17 September 2007

image for Sticky-End Date-u-lator
New concerns raised over how many enemies you make per day!

Doc Martin, a recluse from Essex, has designed a computer programme able to predict snuff-it dates based on what he calls The Sticky-End Factor i.e. the more enemies you have - the more likelihood there is of you meeting a sticky-end!

"I deal in probabilities," Doc explains, "and the probability of an enemy wanting to kill you, and indeed actually killing you, is statistically high."

The ingenious programme can calculate sticky-end risk factors by simply inputting responses to questions like: Do you get along with your in-laws? Has anyone actually threatened to kill you lately? Have you threatened to kill anyone lately?.

The medical profession have hailed the programme as a potential life-saver. Sticky-end analysis really drives home the need to watch your step. Patients can see their graphs and modify their behaviour thus improving their life-expectancy by 100%.

However critics of the computer programme want to verify the claim of "improved longevity" and are trying to find respondants who did not heed their Sticky-end graph warnings. No data is at hand to date.

Make Professor Ransakka Ph.D's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 3 multiplied by 3?

1 9 3 6

Go to top