Written by George Ring
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Monday, 10 September 2007

image for Scottish Smoking Ban a year on - scientific research
A Scottish Smoker and victim of stabbing

Following a year of the smoking ban in Scotland, scientists have confirmed there is a dramatic difference in the health of Scottish people.

There has been a 17% reduction in heart disease (two less people have gone to hospital because of heart disease) and a 24% reduction in the incidence of lung cancer. (Three less people have been diagnosed with lung cancer).

Sadly there has been a 9264% increase in diagnoses of stress and depression due to people being deprived of cigarettes, a 32,486% increase in stabbings caused by above-mentioned stress and a 434,286% increase in shootings caused by the same reason.

Sick leave has also increased in all industries affected by the smoking ban to the point where nobody is actually at work ever.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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