Written by Mister Meaner
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Topics: Crime, DNA

Wednesday, 5 September 2007

image for DNA To Become Compulsory For All
A map of Lord Justice Sedley's back garden

A senior judge has said today that DNA should become compulsory for all UK residents, and for all those visiting the UK, whether it be for business or for pleasure.

Lord Justice Sedley, speaking from his Chambers, told the BBC Newsreader Sophie Raworth (the good-looking blond one) that DNA was needed for the Police to be able to track down down criminals and arrest them for crimes, some of which, they may not even have committed.

His Lordship said:

"DNA is fundamental to the arrest and incarceration of unsavoury individuals like the ones who constantly kick a football over the white picket fence of my luxurious home in M*ddlesex."

Asked by Raworth how the introduction of DNA - which means "Don't No Anything" - would be managed, Sedley replied:

"Once DNA has been introduced to the great unwashed masses of this once-noble island, we can get their names on a database. That'll stop them kicking that bloody football!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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