A mother in Slough admitted to her 15-year old daughter that she had faked sex with her father on the night of her conception. In an instant, the girl disappeared as nature sought to remedy the anomaly in the fabric of space and time created by her mother's statement.
Similar distortions have been happening all over the country. In Reading, an 8-year old boy who had not done his homework told his teacher that his dog had eaten it. In fact, the boy did not have a dog, at least not until he got home, when a very large and angry Rottweiler appeared out of thin air from a parallel universe and ate the boy before returning to its own dimension.
A top scientist said:
"These things are impossible. It looks like someone's been mucking about with the laws of physics again. Someone's got to shut the door."
However, while the door remains open, other scientists have been trying to exploit the anomaly, though with little success. Professor Large called a press conference to announce that he had acquired a million pounds. No sooner had he said it than he burst with obesity.