CROYDON, Saaf London (Defecated News) - Things in South London are grim. Murders, drugs, gangs, guncrime and smelly people generally. But now, it would appear, things have gotten worse, much worse, oh yes, I ain't kidding, just wait.
The worst ever recorded case of tapeworm was discovered by doctors last week, where a 33 year old man was found to have 20 kilos of worms in his stomach. It is thought he caught it from eating out of bins and public toilets for 20 years.
"I'm surprised he's not dead", said Dr Jimmy Riddle of the excellent North London Hospital. "He must have eaten some shit, literally."
Tapeworm are long worms that live in your tummy and hurt you. They have nothing to do with music tapes nor Sellotape.