LONDON (Defecated News) - Following a series of scientific 'breakthroughs' over the past few years, genetic scientists and tissue engineers have managed to isiloate specific cells from shitake mushroom and create a piece of meat that looks, smells, feels and tastes just like the real thing.
The last few years have seen human ears grown on the back of mice, and some animals turned into glow-in-the-dark versions to increase road safety. This new step could be a mighty meaty move, though.
Prof Yakazuri Yakimoto of the Osaka International Tissue Function Reprogramming & Modification Educational Reasearch Institute, explained the significance of this work,
"We can now create any animal flesh from shitake mushroom. Beef, lamb, oyster and even human tissue." Prof Yakimoto explained his priorities, "We could cure Parkinson's and cancer with this but feel we should first look at the commercial viability and usefulness of this. We have signed up with MacDonalds to make their meat-free meat for their upcoming burgers, AND if it's cost effective, replace the current 'meat' burgers with our product."
"I could be fucking minted in 5 years with bitches hanging all round me, wanting MY meat." laughed Prof Yakimoto, in a slightly exaggerated manner, as some Japs do.