AHMEDABAD, INDIA (Defecated News) - Many have claimed to hold powers to heal, often beyond the limits of what is believable. Crystal healing, and various other bullshit has been offered without any proof of clinical effectiveness.
One man in India, however is about to rock the health world with his abilities. Pradeep Pythonwala (52) says he has cured over 46,000 people from AIDS - and now it's an officially proven fact. His revolutionary treatment involves 'charming the HIV virus out of the body' using his pipe and twisting arm moves. His claims have been supported by thousands of patients, many of whom have now died.
"It was amazing. One minute I'm a guy with AIDS, then Pradeep does his thing and I literally see the virus coming out of my nose and leaving me healthy again", said former AIDS sufferer Ranjeet Haramzada.
Clinical tests have confirmed that at least 99.999999% of his clients are cured. Glaxo has approached Mr Pythonwala and asked to have a sample of his DNA so they can clone more Pradeeps. GSK's head of research Bob Baker told us,
"Pradeep has a clinically proven gift. We have offered him $750 to take ownership of his body and life and he has accepted. We plan on making a million Pradeeps and selling then to the poor nations for $1m each. It's not all about profits, it's more to do with respect for life."
Shilpa Shetty refused to comment.