London - (Ass Mess) The Government's COBRA emergency committee met today to contain reports that it was warned on 26 July by the satirical internet website The Spoof! about the dangers of the July floods spreading foot and mouth disease which have now just been confirmed at a farm in Slurrey, South East England.
The Spoof! story Rotting foot and mouth corpse burial grounds add to flood misery was unequivocal that the raging torrents of uncontrollable flood waters were spreading disease acorss the nation.
Spoof! writer Queen Mudder said on 26 July:
"As the toxic flood waters spread across agriculutral land they are carrying a lethal cocktail of non-biodegradeable contaminants straight into the killing fields which were the brainchild of government policy under former Rural Affairs Secretary Margaret Beckett.
"Now a trickle-down effect in the UK countryside means that underground aquifers in South East England are becoming engorged with polluting poisons that then fill the country's resevoirs, just in time to be pumped into the London Ring Main.
"Cobra, the government's emergency and crisis management committee, meeting today was said to be relieved that the threat to the nation more easily remedied than some external terrorist attack.
"We've become pretty good at scaring the nation shitless to get our way over detention without trial extensions to 56 days," a spokesman said today."
COBRA is the UK's equivalent of the US's FEMA and is legally compelled to take action during times of national peril.
Sources close to writer Queen Mudder said today:
"Wankers. I warned them. Now I'll be consulting the lawyers!"