Cape Canaveral, Florida (IP) - The cult that left Earth and joined the comet Hale-Bopp in its journey trough the solar system has returned to a position near the Earth. The comet has been placed into a neutral zone in cislunar orbit.
The cult's leader, Dickey Johnson, said he is fed up with the niggling (in the dictionary niggling is defined as bothersome in a petty way and has nothing to do with the "N" word) characteristics of many folks within the group and has decided to evict 37 of these people and hopes to pick up some new recruits.
Johnson hopes to acquire some nerds with high tech skills and mechanics capable of maintaining systems aboard the comet as well as a new navigator, chef, maitre d', pastry specialist, cocktail waitresses, hydroponics engineer, communication specialist, hair dresser and nail specialist, ebonics interpreter, dance instructor, dentist, basket weaving and rope tying instructor, sushi rollers, cattle prod operator, bass player, piano player, chief astronomer, astrologer, surgeon, nurses, veterinarian, shoe shine boy, and surf board waxer.
A description of the positions available, the qualification parameters, and job description are available in the want ad section of the Spoof's advertising section. Accordian players and necromancers need not apply.