Written by Sacrament
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Topics: Toilet, Toilet Paper

Wednesday, 25 July 2007

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Environmental Engineers from the WC Crapper Foundation have announced they have secured major private equity funding to complete the development of the world first paperless loo.

Edward Crapper, chief financial officer revealed: "We throw over 600 million tons of toilet paper down the loo every year, This is clearly unsustainable consumption. In a single stroke we have removed the need for using paper for wiping your bottom after use. The environmental benefits are obvious".

Having secured a global patent Crapper is upbeat about the new toilet. "In all intents and purposes the paperless loo does not differ in use, its the end bit which is environmentally beneficial. "Of course, should one of the major toilet paper manufacturers be able create reusable toilet paper we would be in serious trouble but my spies tell me that this is highly unlikely..."

A Government spokesman commented that the Government cautiously welcomed such an environmentally aware initiative but would listen to the concerns of the toilet paper manufacturers. "Like all modern industries they must be agile and prepared to move into less traditional market places and find new markets for their products".

A spokesman for the Toilet Paper Industries pointed out that they would fight the paperless toilet with a simple campaign "It ain't over til the paper work is done' is one of several strap lines currently being considered.

Friends of the Earth are fully behind the paperless toilet commenting..For every sheet of paper we use in our daily duties helps destroy another few tress and we support the plan"

The Health & Safety Executive have issued a statement: "The HSA demand that there be a clear instruction to all paperless toilet users that they must wash their hands after using the paperless toilet and that CCTV also will be installed, with non hand washers being fined £120 plus 50% discount on Ariel Automatic" to help "move those stubborn stains..."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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