Written by Monkey Woods
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Saturday, 21 July 2007

image for Heavy Flooding Blamed On Rain
The top of Big Ben yesterday

The recent widespread flooding that has affected many parts of the UK, is down to heavy rain, it has been claimed by experts.

Some areas are still under several feet of water, including Hull, which has been 'officially forgotten', and, say meteorological analysts, it's all because of a bit of good old fashioned precipitation.

Long-time Hull resident, Albert Spatchcock, 82, who describes himself as a 'weather expert', said:

"It's a devil of a thing! I've never sin samuch rain. Fair cats'n'dogs. It's ruined me green beans 'n' cabbages!"

It's the same in Lancashire over the other side of the Pennines.
In Manchester, where people start to worry when it doesn't rain, another old person, Maud Grimley, 71, told Radio Manchester's phone-in show:

"Eyup! 'Appen it cum rart ovver top o' me wellies! Never stopped all day! Mind you, ducks'll be 'appy!"

Staff at the Royal Meteorological Society say the weather is set to continue, and people should "get used to the inconvenience" of having raw sewage in their homes.

Professor Ed Banger of the RMS, said:

"When global warming kicks in, most of these Northern places won't exist. There definitely has been a lot of rain about, but, on the upside, we no longer have hosepipe bans anywhere in the country."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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