Written by Robert W. Armijo
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Friday, 20 July 2007

image for RIM releases its new dual-mode, stronger (but still legal) version of its Wi-Fi "CrackBerry" the 8820 smartphone
RIM releases its new dual-mode, stronger (but still legal) version of its "CrackBerry," the 8820 smartphone

Ontario, Canada - Ready in Minutes (RIM), manufacturers of the other popular drug, the BlackBerry, have just released a stronger, but still legal, version, the 8820 smartphone model, just in time to compete with Apple's iPhone. The Blackberry otherwise commonly referred on the streets as the "CrackBerry" by its users (for its addictive powers) the new 8820 model has a whole new range of bells and whistles that makes the "CrackBerry" seem like, well, just crack.

"The new 8820 model will revolutionize the whole 'CrackBerry' addiction syndrome," said spokesperson for RIM.

RIM claims that they have taken into consideration the negative impact of the addictive behavior of its previous model and insist they have addressed those problems with the new features that were designed with the addictive effects of the old "CrackBerry" in mind. RIM claims they are confident the new features built into the new product will off set any addictive behavior the pass device was known for.

"We hired a crack team of engineers," said the RIM spokesperson. "Literally, we hired engineers that were addicted to crack to design the new 8820 model's anti-addictive safety features and our confidence in them is extremely high."

"I can't imagine that they have removed any addictive features on the new BlackBerry, man," said Clive Munster, who just purchased a BlackBerry, two weeks earlier, while he sat in a hospital waiting to be treated for sleep depravation and a sever case of carpal tunnel syndrome.

"I just got mine a couple of weeks ago," Munster said, somewhat bewildered.
"And I just couldn't seem to put it down. My wife just left me and took the kids thinking I was having an affair. What am I supposed to do now, man?"

"Mr. Munster admits to having a problem," said Wayne Brady, attending physician at the emergency room. "And that's the first step to recovery -- [sound of BlackBerry going off from the doctor's white overcoat pocket] -- excuse me I have to respond to this immediately."

Some of the new features the 8820 model comes equipped with: a global positioning system (GPS), BlackBerry maps and new "Wonder-Wallpaper," all designed to help the user to safely come down from that BlackBerry high.

"Our crack team of engineers assure us these new features are fail safe and will help bring down anyone using our new BlackBerry," said the spokesperson for RIM. "Or at least help the authorities find them and admit them to rehab."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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