Cornwallis, Kansas (IP) - Dr. Hinkey Von Stinkey has issued a revolutionary report in reference to mysterious crap circles found in crap fields all over the planet.
He reports that the cause of the crap circles is a bunch of crap. He ran his fetid little fingers through his brown hair as he spoke in a heavy German accent about his trip aboard his flatulent air balloon which he promises "vill revolutionize air transportation". From the elevated vantage point held by his methanic craft (I just coined a new word) whose gondola is merely an aerodynamically shaped construction site Porta-John he was able to determine that nothing but a bunch of crap could have created the crappy crap circles. He pointed out that "back in zee early 20th century before any reports of UFO's had existed that there also had not been any reports of crap circles".
Sightings of UFO's, he said, "are merely nothing more than obzervations of the planet Venus which iz often vizeeble during daylight hours, or other sightings of meteors, clouds, aircraft, and veather balloons made by simple folks and Mexicans who had little or no experience in ozbservatiozns related to zastronomy, meteorology, and aviation". The power of suggestion subconsciously introduced into the minds of people who read about reported sightings of UFO's has led to the belief in crap circles and also pranksters have contributed to the belief in both crap circles and UFO's as well as BO, BFO's GTO's, BTO's and CEO's. He also says that the car name who's acronym is GEO means Get Everybody Out !