A group of scientists studying Global Warming have concluded that the North Pole is inhospitable to human life and none of them want to be there.
"This place totally sucks", said Professor George Gretsky of Harvard University. "There's nothing to do, no place to go. There's no bars, no movie theaters, no cable TV. We have internet but that craps out most of the time. The summers have gotten warmer thanks to global warming but it's all slushy. There's no reason to go outside anyway."
"The amount we've learned up here is not worth freezing your ass off", said National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration scientist Mark Snezmoore. "We could just set up some machines and weather balloons and they'd do an even better job".
"Just think, we could be at Cape Cod or in the south of France right now. There's plenty of science to do there too", said Mary Norton, a post-doctoral student from Yale University.
Researchers have found themselves getting on each others nerves, constantly bickering and occasionally fist fighting. US Government psychologists have so far been unable to solve the problem.
"What do you expect?" asked Washington DC psychologist Maurice Tish. "They're at the frickin North Pole for crying out loud."