BEVERLY HILLS (Calf.) EXCLUSIVE-- It is not widely known that baboon bottoms are as 'soft' as a babies, and that the hairless reddish color becomes soft toned on being deceased. They are 'perfect' for enhancing women's bosoms. Hollywood women are known to be interested in this natural and environmentally friendly product.
And have any women tried these yet? "Well, I'm not a Posh Deep Throat Victoria Station whistle blower," said Beverly Hills plastic surgeon Gunther Shankshaven.
Yes, but the baboons have to be killed to get their bums. "I know nothing about that," an indignant Doctor Shankshaven said, "we just get them from King Harolds in London. From the exotic meat display. You should try the gazelle hump."
Well, I suppose it's better that killing cute little baby fur seals in the arctic. "Exactly," Shankshaven said, "those big baby brown eyes. And, just to make chugg boots."
I couldn't help but wonder at the technology of it all as I wandered off to find some free range eggs.