Written by Monkey Woods
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Tuesday, 26 June 2007

image for Flash Floods Herald Onset Of Global Warming
Meadowhall at sunset last night

Heavy flooding all over Britain is a sure sign of the early effects of Global Warming and Climate Change, say experts. Unseasonal torrential and prolonged outbreaks of very wet rain have caused flash floods all over the country, and many other examples of 'unusualness' seem to point to this being a pivotal time in the Earth's history.

One example of 'unusualness' was seen in South Yorkshire, where a fishing trawler ran aground on the Meadowhall Shopping Centre outside Sheffield. The skipper of the vessel claimed that he had completely lost his bearings, and assumed he was somewhere off the coast of Norway until he saw the huge glass dome protruding from the surface of the 'sea'.

"I thought I'd rediscovered Atlantis!", he said.

The RSPCA had to be called out in Preston, Lancs, after a group of children were spotted throwing stones at a school of basking sharks, and two men in Dover say they saw an enormous tidal wave approaching the White Cliffs. Police say several bottles of cider were found nearby.

Places not normally thought of as being prone to flooding have had their fair share of downpours too. In Buxton in Derbyshire, the highest place on Earth, where the famous Surface Water is bottled, many roads were covered in mineral water. Teenager Tupac Yardie said:

"It was proper wet, man! I had t' cross de road t' avoid gettin' ma K-Swiss damp! Wicked!"

The flooding is the worst in living memory, with many people commenting on its severity.

"Never in all my long years have I ever witnessed anything quite like it! Astonishing!", said Dylan Sopping, aged 6, of Cardiff.

All was not bad news, however. Marine biologists working in Hull, claim to have discovered a new species of fish, the Battered Cod, which was seen floating down the River Humber just before dusk last night.

Environment expert Brett Soggy told viewers of the BBC Disaster channel:

"This is just the start of it. My advice is to look for sandbags on E-bay."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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