Written by rossc007
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Topics: Scientists, Research

Wednesday, 11 February 2004

image for It's in the genes
Hail to the chief

Scientists from the US Institute of genetics in Utah have today released documents on there highly controversial research into behavioral attitudes in humans. These documents detail a breakthrough by the institute claiming that they have isolated the "Asshole" gene in human beings.

The institute's Head of Research, Dr. Hung Slim, said:

"In order to isolate the gene we had to be sure that we had the right candidates for the job. We couldn't risk interviewing unknowns as we had to be sure that the subjects were truly assholes.

"We decided to survey the public and get them to nominate people who were 'in the public eye' for the role. The project was dubbed American Asshole and the choosen people were given alias's to protect their identity."

Candidate 1 was dubbed George W or [Pres]
Candidate 2 was dubbed Russell C or [Gladiator]
Candidate 3 was dubbed Osama B or [Peek-a-boo]
Candidate 4 was Kelly Osbourne

Slim continued: "We had the highest concentration of assholes from here to France, the tension was immense but there could be no doubt that our anonymous candidates had an abundance of the asshole gene. We compared the DNA samples extracted from the A-Team and compared it against the samples taken from the Pope and the results were conclusive."

"We had planned to work on a cure for asshole but one of our anonymous candidates pulled the plug on our funding...what an asshole!"

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