Written by SciTy
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Topics: Mars, planet

Tuesday, 10 February 2004

In another press conference held by Mars, the red planet adamantly defended its hunger to a crowd of shocked and upset reporters.

"Look, I'll eat any damn probe I want any time I want WHEREVER I WANT! I don't have to answer to you!"

That statement followed claims from NASA that the agency's Spirit rover, which successfully landed on the planet earlier this month, had been sending only random beeps or acknolwedgement and meaningless radio static since Wednesday, January 21st. In an effort to determine the cause of the failure, NASA has been working around the clock to determine whether the issue is software related or whether the errant behavior could be due to some malfunctioning hardware.

"Dude, I so ate that little probe nugget!" Mars explained. "I've been public about my appetite. I have no shame."

NASA, ignoring the planet's taunts and general ruckus, made the problem known with a statement to the public.

"NASA has always been a leader in exploration. Today, we find ourselves in a bit of a pitfall, but tomorrow still gleams in the not so distant future. We will prevail for our children and our children's children."

"I NEEDS ME MORE PROBES. SENDS THE PROBES AND FORGET ABOUT THE CHIL'EN!!" was Mars' reply to the statement. "You people wait for your "children's children" and I am gonna just eat all of you, barbecue flavor be damned."

Mars is the fourth planet in the solar system and also the rudest and most ravenous for interplanetary probes.

"Probeys in the morning, probeys in the evening, probeys at supper time. When probeys are on the surface you can eat probeys anytime." sang Mars.

Experts reviewing the statements felt that Mars' comments indicated that the planet couldn't distinguish evening from supper time but were unsure as to how that had any relevance to the story.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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