Top doctors at the 2007 United Nations Summit on Healthy Teeth and Gums have unanimously decided that the epidemic of tooth decay that is presently sweeping western countries, known as gingivitis, is caused entirely by ginger haired people.
The so-called "ginger resolution" was passed after a lengthy and sometimes stormy debate in New York, which was picketed by a small group of red haired people led by Simply Red's Mick Hucknall. One of the 200 doctors in the specialist panel, Professor Rufus the Red, walked out of the debate in disgust, to calls from his colleagues of "Rufus the Dufus" and "Ginger the Whinger".
Ginger haired people have been associated with violence and anti-social behaviour throughout history. A historian told our reporter "Vikings, many of whom had red hair, plundered England for centuries. One of Genghis Khan's sons had red hair and there are reports that Jack the Ripper may have had red hair."
The scientists did not fully explain their reasons for finding that a gum disease affecting millions of people regardless of their hair colour could be caused by ginger haired people.
However, they rejected a second motion that bald people were responsible for cancer. The resolution, informally referred to as ''Slap a Slaphead", was defeated by a resounding majority. Chairman of the Panel and Nobel Prizewinner Professor Hans Torvill and Dean, said, "This motion is pure bigotry. We don't support that kind of thing. That and the fact it has nothing to do with teeth and gums."
Our reporter arranged an interview with well-known ginger witch and BBC presenter Anne Robinson, but ran off when he saw her coming.