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Topics: planet, Swedish

Monday, 2 February 2004

image for Oxygen Use on the Rise
Howard Dean: Another victim of too much oxygen?

A recent Swedish study has revealed that oxygen use is on the rise on this planet, a potentially dangerous trend if left unmonitored.

"Many people don't realize it," says the researcher in charge of the study, Dr. Geoff Lumkin, "but oxygen is one of the most widely used, and most highly addictive, drugs out there today. In fact, it's so addictive that people have been known to die without it."

The doctor credits the rise in popularity of the drug to the rise in world population, since "we often encourage our children to use oxygen, too."

When asked what can be done about the rampant use of oxygen, Dr. Lumkin commented, "Well, that's a difficult question to answer. Oxygen use is so entrenched in our various cultures, it's hard to imagine a time when we won't be dependent on it."

In the meantime, Dr. Lumkin encourages concerned individuals to donate money to his parent organization, Oxygen Free Europe. The group is currently preparing for a breakthrough study in which it raises as many as 200 infants in oxygen-free environments. Expectant parents interested in helping the cause can contact the organization at 800 NO OXYGEN.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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