Written by Lincoln Zinn
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Friday, 18 May 2007

image for Scientists to make freak animals
A Man-Rabbit Hybrid?

London: UK ministers have given the go-ahead for scientists to produce human-animal hybrids.

"The benefits from so-called 'Humals' are expected to far outweigh the risks," said Science Minister, David Icke.

However, in light of ethical concerns, the process will be only be allowed in special, tightly regulated circumstances. The Home Office will grant a license for the creation of a Humal only "if it is likely to result in a significant medical breakthrough, or if there is a possibility that the results might be a bit of a laff".

Channel 4 has already commissioned a reality TV show following the lives of the first Humals. Producers are hoping that a pig with a human pancreas, a giraffe with persistent sexual arousal syndrome and a cow with eight tits will be more entertaining than their current line up of tired reality shows, such as Big Brother.

"Remember them chimps wearing clothes in the tea adverts?" said Kevin Lycra, Channel 4's Director of Programmes. "We can't go wrong!"

Churches are divided on the matter.

"Such irresponsible meddling with the divine creation - it's a shocking and terrifying prospect," said Pope Benedict XVI. "How many tits?"

The Church of England was more open to the idea.

"With all due respect to Ben, we don't go in for all that religious clap trap," said Dr Rowan Atkinson, Archbishop of Canterbury.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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