Written by Cal Jennings
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Friday, 18 May 2007

image for Ex-President Bush Burns Texas A&M Science Building
Ex-President Bush Burns A&M Science Lab

CCN (Crazy Cal News) - College Station, TX - Today, upon hearing that researchers at Texas A&M University are combining statistics and chemistry to shoot holes in traditional bullet-lead analysis techniques and the accuracy of so-called "expert" testimony, calling into question critical evidence that has long supported the theory of a lone gunman in the 1963 assassination of United States President John F. Kennedy, former president George H.W. Bush started a fire in the Science Lab at Texas A&M.

"Need I remind you how much money I contributed to Texas A&M to make it a fine, upstanding Republican school," asked the former president. "How dare you do research that might show that I was behind the shooting?"

Shana K. Hutchins wrote,


In challenging the evidence for the lone-gunman theory, Cliff Spiegelman, professor of statistics at Texas A&M and an expert in bullet-lead analysis, recently teamed with former Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) agent and forensic scientist William A. Tobin of Forensic Engineering International in Virginia and William D. James, a research chemist with the Texas A&M Center for Chemical Characterization and Analysis (CCCA). Together, they conducted a chemical and forensic analysis of bullets reportedly derived from the same batch as those used by suspected assassin Lee Harvey Oswald to gun down Kennedy on that fateful day at Dealey Plaza.

Not feeling that they got the message, the former president called his son at the White House to ask for a little "intervention."

Shana K. Hutchins, Cliff Spiegelman, William A. Tobin, and William D. James lives were all threatened by George W. Bush's Secret Service agents.

"My S.S. agents will take care of 'em daddy," said the president. Don't you fret none," said President Bush. "If they keep writin' stuff like that, I'll have my S.S. agents break their fingers. I'll see to it that that FBI man is taken care of too. I'm one of the good guys. I'm the president. They can't investigate me. I'll pass another bill to take away the FBI's power if they want to get nasty."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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