Written by Benny Martin
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Wednesday, 16 May 2007

image for Top UK Professor Reveals 'Nothing Really Exists!'
Professor Dalek Squawking

After a week long study, top UK Scientist, Dalek and ex front man of the modern glam rock band 'The Darkness' Professor Squawking, sensationally revealed 'nothing really exists'

Squawking, the professor famous for getting over excited about Supermassive Black Holes and Big Bangs, decided to go down a new avenue after his failed attempt to represent the UK in this year's Eurovision Song Contest.

Squawking came to this conclusion after failing to locate the 11 strings needed to back up his once revolutionary 'M-Theory'. After searching high and low for the 11 strings, all he could find were a couple of pubic hairs and a cobweb. Squawking realised that in order for anything to exist, the 11 strings would have to be accounted for, therefore proving for once and for all that nothing really exists (apart from a couple of pubic hairs, a cobweb, and a little thing called love).

When asked about his exciting discovery, Professor Squawking only had one thing to say - 'Exterminate... Exterminate...'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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