A new report by scientists has warned that links between risk-of-death and cancer are routinely underestimated by film and television crews, as well as most government departments across the globe. The shocking new results mean safety is as much as 50% more important than was previously realised in providing cancer-causing opportunities in the general public.
In tests on a randomly selected population of skateboarders, ice hockey players and compulsive tree-climbers, (some of whom were dead, or dying) the number of carcinogens encountered was just 400 times less than the national average.
Commenting on the results, Joe Field, chief of research told the spoof: 'time spent fighting the onset of disease had been wasted by these subjects in pursuance of other non-pathological bodily injuries. Pursuance of exciting or glamorous life-curtailment means the rest of the population faces a higher risk of getting cancer.'
Scientists were then able to state categorically that 'reckless abandon' and 'gratuitous thrill-seeking' did not live up to its reputation of being somehow "better" than other ways of dying.
The report published in the Journal of Longevity At All Costs, the institute funding the studies, indicates that the slack in these subjects' health creation responsibilities was being picked up by kindergarteners locked inside giant empty sports stadiums in Central America. Which is obviously bad!