Scientists have today announced that human sperm can be genetically modified to include nutritional information and a calorie counter. The breakthrough follows years of abstinence by women who claim that sperm is fattening.
The scientists behind the breakthrough claim to have worked day and night for three years to achieve the necessary genome technology. The sperm can now be produced with a tiny little square of information revealing the calorie content, energy value and additives of every single sperm which is also given in "per 5ml" proportion too.
When asked how women are meant to check the calorific value of a particular sperm, scientists recommended requesting a pre-date sample by courier and checking under the microscope.
Weightwatchers and Slimming World have both today announced that sperm will now be included in their diet programmes and "Quickstart" incentives.
Scientists are now working on a "flavour selector" genome.