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Thursday, 10 May 2007

image for NASA & BNSC To Launch Big Ben For Jupiter Mission
NASA / BNSC Photo

BRITISH NATIONAL SPACE CENTER, LONDON (SPACE:YUK)--No sooner was the ink dry on the historic "Joint Statement of Intent for Co-operation in the Field of Space Exploration" agreement signed in Washington DC, Thursday 19 April 2007, That British National Space Center unveiled the U.K.'s most ambitions & startling plan to launch a space craft to Jupiter. But, not just any space ship will do for the long trip to the largest planet in our solar system. BNSC & NASA will attempt to launch one of England's most treasured national monuments...BIG BEN !

BIG BEN ONE, otherwise known as St. Stephens Tower is 316 ft tall, weighing in at 13 tons. The tower retrofitted with a SABRE (Synergic Air Breathing Rocket Engine), is able to transport a payload of 3,500 tons to and from the planet.

We spoke with Oxford Professor Roger Eldon Carothers, lead scientist in charge of the program, he explained the science behind the project. "A golf ball propels itself through a fluid-environment at a high rate of speed with the help of the dips on the surface of the ball. Borrowing on this theory, the vehicle chosen mimics these same characteristics with the window openings along its' shaft. This helps the jetcraft to attain the necessary escape velocity needed to break free of Earth's gravity and go into space" In addition, Professor Eldon concludes, "It's also quite pointy at one end, isn't it?!

The crew of five piloting the 149 year old bell tower will be: Helen Sharman, an engineer with the Mars confectionery company, was selected as a commercial astronaut in 1989, BNSC Human Resources confessed to making a mistake upon her hiring, "We believed she was from the planet, Mars & thought, "How did she get up there?! Maybe she has the knowledge to get back here? We'll ask". In May 1991, Sharman spent eight days in space, including the flights to and from "The Merda" Space Station. After the flight she became a spokesperson for science and technology in Britain, and has presented a science programme on BBC Radio 4 titled: "The Space Between My Ears".

Also on the flight is Dr. Michael Foale, (He holds a PhD in Laboratory AsstroFizzix from Antarctica) was selected as a NASA Mission Specialist in 1987. He was born in England, but has dual nationality and flies as an American citizen (Although he is constantly referred to as a "British Astronut" by the British media). He has flown on the Shuttle & has also stayed on "The Merda" Space Station in 1997. On one particular mission, a Progress cargo ship collided with the Station, causing a partial pressurization and sending the Station into a spin allowing Michael to wash & dry all laundry on board in record time.

The space mission is to fly to Jupiter and explored the open orifice this planet blatantly exposes for everyone in the whole damn universe to see. If determined that a decision for modesty's sakes exist, BIG BEN will fire its' payload, which consist of a compressed TAMPAX tampon measuring 8000 x 8000 square miles to cap the offending cavity.

One other thing, The other three members of the flight will not be identified, due to the high probability of a catastrophe and if a life & death decision is to be made or lack of food, these three crew members are expendable.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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