Written by Cal Jennings
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Wednesday, 9 May 2007

image for Light Saber Explained
Billy got his lightsaber on eBay.

CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Tatooine - Marshall Brain has finally explained how a light saber works. People have been wondering for over a decade why everyone in Star Wars and on Earth, for that matter, doesn't have a light saber.

In his article on howstuffworks.com, Brian writes,

"The crystal energy chamber is the reason why all lightsabers are built by hand, and then only in the latter stages of Jedi training. The builder must align the crystals perfectly or risk detonation of the lightsaber upon activation. Only through the use of the Force can the proper alignment be guaranteed.

"It doesn't matter whether you use the light side or the dark side of the Force as long as you use the Force, if you don't use the Force, the darn thing will blow up on you, and NOBODY wants THAT!"

Brian says that you should be careful to be sure that the person who made it was really a qualified Jedi knight when you are purchasing a light saber on eBay. Some of the practical uses of a light saber in the home, he says, are cutting and toasting a bagel in one stroke, hedge trimming, lighting a cigarette, cutting through PVC pipe, reheating coffee, serving cake, and felling a tree. They can also be useful in thwarting home intrusions by Storm Troopers.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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