BOSTON, MA (AP Newsliar) -- Scientists have found the gene responsible for causing people to be assholes, researchers at the Foundation for Advanced Genetics Studies announced today.
This finding was based on a statistical analysis of DNA samples from a randomly selected population of 12,000 individuals over a 6-year period, according to Foundation researcher Dr. Ben Dover.
"In addition to a strong correlation to numerous indicators of assholish behavior, we also noted a significantly higher incident of this gene appearing in people who are drawn to careers in the legal and telemarketing professions," says Dr. Dover.
"The genetics research community can now add the asshole gene to a growing list of genes we've successfully identified, including the obesity gene, the gay gene, and the completely fucking wacko gene," adds Dr. Dover. "Heck, if we could isolate the loudmouth bitch gene we'd practically have enough DNA code to make an unauthorized Rosie O'Donnell clone."