Written by Cal Jennings
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Monday, 30 April 2007

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Ima Nutcase grows hair on arm and wields a hatchet when experiencing PMS.

CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Mayo Clinic - Dr. Ino Itall released a report today about the horrors that both women and men experience when PMS goes untreated.

In a 5 year study, he uncovered over 750 million cases of women in the U.S. who have committed physical violence while experiencing PMS. Many of them also experience physical changes, such as growing fangs, extreme extension of their fingernails, growing hair all over their body, and transforming into some kind of wild, half-human, half-beast creature.

Dr. Itall also studied the men to whom they were married or living with. "It's a NIGHTmare," exclaimed one male victim who came in missing most of one arm. "My wife, Ima Nutcase, grows hair on her arms and wields a hatchet. She chased me all around the house with it, and just for uttering the phrase, 'Good morning.'"

Mr. Nutcase said that she yelled, "What's so good about it?," then picked up the hatchet, wacking wildly at him as they ran through their abode. Eventually, she caught him on the arm and cut most of it off, requiring him to seek medical treatment at the emergency room.

"We see this kind of thing all the time," said Dr. Itall. "We've tried treating them with hormones, vitamins, dietary changes, Elavil, Triavil, Sinequan, Valium, Ativan, and Xanax, and they seem to ease the symptoms somewhat, but at this time, there is no cure. We have to send most of them to a mental health care facility. If left untreated, it could result in serious harm of their loved ones, or even death. One woman even killed her children."

Dr. Itall said that there is ongoing research at this time to combat the problems of PMS, but studies do not yet look promising. The doctor said, "All we can do is pray for a cure."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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