(MMP News) In a startling and seemingly unjustified move, the National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) has stated that it will no longer recognize Uranus as a planet. Top officials claim it no longer fits the contemporary definition of a planet, and thus, must be removed from the category.
Richard Proffer, spokesperson for NASA, commented by saying "It's a matter of consistency. It's important for a government sponsored organization such as this to continue to be consistent, and if we continue to allow Uranus the status of planet, we'd be demonstrating inconsistency."
This comment comes after a long string of inconsistencies, and the recent removal of planet status of Pluto.
Proffer continued by stating the reason for planetary status removal. "All the other planets in our solar system rotate on a vertical axis. All the little clouds or whatever move laterally. But Uranus' axis is horizontal. Clouds and such go up and down. We just can't have that sort of inconsistency." Proffer demonstrated to the press with a foam rubber ball. "And plus, it's got a stupid name, anyway."
Karen Kaumans, a 4th grade teacher in Grain Valley, MO expresses her frustration publicly. "Who's going to stop these guys? My kids are confused, and scared. Who's next on the cutting block?"
"People may not be ready for this change," Proffer comments, "but there's really nothing the general public can do about it. We're in charge, and we know what's best."
When asked about the status of the moons orbiting the once-planet Uranus, Proffer stated "…they will continue to retain their status as moons." When asked about the inconsistency of moons orbiting a non-planet, Proffer called an end to the meeting.
He, as well as NASA, has since refused to comment further on the subject.