Langley, Virginia - (Ass mess): Forensic psychiatrists working at the optimistically named President George Herbert Bush Center for Intelligence (sic) - CIA HQ have completed their forty year study into the mutant DNA structure of the Bush family.
Their findings come up with exactly the same conclusion as NATO military Intelligence officials studying global crime cartel operations since the November 1963 fatal shooting of JFK.
The results show that via Pope Pius XII's birth father Rasputin the Bush family is connected by blood and/or bloodshed to every major client dictator and every major act of terror recorded by security/intelligence agencies since operations began.
At the heart of the vortex lies Queen Elizabeth II who bore Bush Senior two sons.
One took on the ID and persona of IRA asshole Gerry Adams. And the other, currently in the slammer serving thirteen life sentences for murder, is the Yorkshire Ripper.
The implant who took on the ID and persona of the Bush idiot firstborn son - George Walker Bush - is a half-brother whose 1971 marriage to Cherie Blair produced a hybrid of such hideous proportions that she makes Heather Mills look like a Mother Teresa.
As the House of Mountbatten circus prepares for QEII's geriatric tour of the US next month only one question remains on courtiers' minds:
Will Bush Sr be given her ashes if she suddenly pops off for date with destiny in the nearest crem?
Those who guarantee it hold all the aces.