Written by Jack Battler
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Sunday, 25 March 2007

image for Al Gore to sacrifice body for science

WASHINGTON D.C. -- Al Gore has announced his intention to make his entire body carbon neutral using a new medical procedure developed by scientists over the last decade. The radical process called "de-carbonizationating" is the latest experimental attempt to enable medical personnel to completely remove all traces of carbon from living tissue.

"It is about time we take extreme measures to make sure that the existence of human beings does not endanger the planet and make it unusable for other human beings in the future," said Gore. "Although this new process is risky, I'm willing to test it first on myself before making it mandatory for use on all other people in the world."

In response to critics, who claim that removing all carbon from a person is impossible since the human body is made up almost entirely of carbon the enviro-religious leader said that is exactly the reason we must act now.

"The planet has a fever. If your baby has a fever, you go to the doctor. If the doctor says you need to intervene here, you don't say 'I read a science fiction novel that says it's not a problem.' You take action," Gore said with a straight face. "The fact that this process is almost sure to be useless in curbing alleged global warming and will end up in millions of deaths if carried out swiftly is why we need to implement it before any debate or sanity can be brought to the table... you don't want people actually considering the facts on this one."

Gore says he will not let the fear of death stop him... unless he has another appointment on the day it is scheduled.

"I will be the first, but if I can't make it I hope the rest of the world will match my courage and undergo the process immediately," said Gore. "The evidence supporting the success of this new procedure are as air tight as the evidence supporting global warming itself.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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