Churches all around the world have always managed to avoid the difficult question, Does God exist? Well, there's no more squirming away from it now, the gaff has been well and truly blown. Under years of mounting pressure the Reverend B Bumbles of the small English market town of Catspee in The Mould has finally admitted that there is not. He made the astonishing admission earlier today at his annual low key vicar's garden party in the tea tent during the traditional heavy down pour of rain.
"I'm really naffed off about this" he complained between slices of Mrs Buttock's prize winning fruit and hemp cake. "Every year without fail it pisses down. You would think that if there really was a God then he would not allow it to rain during an outdoor church type gathering. Especially as most of the crowd are the better off members of the congregation, those who put the most in the collection box every Sunday. Where's the justice and compassion? It's not like God didn't know this event was taking place, there's been a sign up at the village hall for the last two weeks. I suppose I've always really known there isn't a God and this finally confirms it. Well, I've had enough and this year I'm ready for it."
He then reached under the trestle table and pulled out a large home made Molotov cocktail, marched round to the church door, walked inside and fire bombed it. Two minutes later turning to the amazed onlookers he shouted "Jesus, it's bloody hot in here, can somebody ring the fire brigade"
A Church Bishop of dubious male gender later said "It's not really a secret about there being no God; the big wigs in the church have always known this. We didn't think it important enough to bother the lower orders with, it could have affected moral. Anyway now it's in the open don't worry, it's business as usual. Yeah, sure it would be nice if there was a god, but it's not essential in our line of work". As an afterthought he asked "Do you like my robes"