Cape Canaveral, Florida - Retired U.S. Astronaut Deke Slayton has been identified as the mystery companion who accompanied American Idol contestant Antonella Barba to the nude photo shoot which rocked America's number one television game show.
"We've been scientific colleagues since my last shuttle mission," claimed the astronaut. But further investigation recently revealed a deeper truth.
Conclusive evidence now shows that Slayton, leader of three American space shuttle missions, smuggled Barba along on at least one trip, ostensibly to experiment with her in zero-gravity sex positions.
"Zero 'G' is the only way I can get it up," protested the elderly Slayton, now 66. "With NASA's crappy medical program for aging astronauts, we weren't approved for Viagra or Cialis or any of those other pecker-petrifiers," said the astronaut. "I had to take her into space just to get my rocks off."
Medical records for the mission revealed several periods of intense excitement for the aging astronaut, lasting from three minutes to as much as an hour and forty minutes. "She could suck the tiles off a heat shield, that's for sure," bragged Slayton.
Flight records also show that the shuttle was 131 pounds overweight for its last flight in 2005. The unaccounted weight happens to exactly equal Barba's own body weight, plus six bottles of make-up, two Antonelli Antona outfits and six unlubricated condoms.
Ms. Barba did not return our phone calls.