Scientists, Urologists, and Sex Therapists from the Mayo Clinic Sexual Research Institute have recently been awarded the Nobel Prize for Medicine for their work on the reverse chubby. The opposite of the boner, officially called the de-erection (derection for short) is a condition that can cause severe pain and has harmful side effects in men.
Doctor Masters Johnson of the clinic stated in his acceptance speech that "this horrible affliction has not been the subject of enough study and research. It is hurtful to those who suffer from it and affects them both physically and mentally."
When asked what caused the condiditon, Doctor Johnson said that "it is generally contact with something incredibly ugly or devestating. Imagine accidentally walking in on Roseanne Barr/Arnold naked. What about seeing Rosie O'Donnell in a thong. Picture yourself doing the wild thing with a woman on Halloween night, only to turn on the lights and remove her mask and find Joan Rivers or Phyllis Diller. Just think what it would do to you if Chelsea Clinton was your blind date and her secret service agents forced you go down on her. The effects can cause the penis and testicles to be sucked back into the body as far as they can possibly go."
"In men who are married to women who would naturally seem to induce derection, we do note an increased incidence of blindness and self mutilation of the eyes."
"The condition is worse and much more painful in black men. Orientals seem to suffer the least amount of agony or side effects. The reasons for this are, of course, rather obvious."
"The pain is worse than the normal getting racked in the nuts. It exceeds that of broken bones or kidney stones. Men who suffer this generally wet their pants as the penis and genitals force everything in the bladder out. Men with larger equipment packages have also been known to crap their pants, vomit, get runny noses, or even have to stick their tongues out. In rare cases, they have even choked to death."
"So far, the only thing we have found to treat this malady is a naked picture of Jessica Simpson, a bottle of lotion, and a double dose of Viagra."