The We'll Lance Your Boil British Medical Journal will publish a report by Doctors Snotgrass and Knowspika that demonstrates that hardened mucous in the nasal cavity contains properties that can fight deadly killer cancer!
Eaton Snotgrass MD theorizes that human mucous is a product of the immune system and that when it dries in the nostril the cancer-combating enzymes are concentrated. "At first we thought that scabs would be the richest source of anticarcinogens but boogers, believe it or not, contain 5x the active ingredient of crusty cut-coverings!" Announced Doc Snot as the med students at St Mary's Bedlam affectionately call him.
Colleague Byg Knowspika MD came up with the idea while doing his ENT post-doc at Proboscis General in Palermo,Sicily. "From Palermo Prob, I went to the Jerusalem branch and on to Broad Nostril Memorial in Harlem,NY." everywhere I went, I found the biggest dries snot balls imaginable and the cancer rates were proportionately low!" Knowspika exclaimed.
So the pair of ENT's went to work on the boogers and predict that before long they will have an organic therapy for cancer. The American Cancer Society is planning a series of TV commercials featuring an old camp fire song with the images of nose pickers across the globe: "Everybody's doing it, doing it! Picking their nose and chewing it, chewing it!"