Written by Ed Parnell
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Sunday, 25 February 2007

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Apple have issued an apology over faulty iPods and batteries. It's the first time the juicy giant has admitted a design failure in it's popular range.

"When we designed the iPod, we had no intention of releasing a product with a battery which explodes" said spokes Irving Battlescar "We wanted the whole thing to ignite in a huge flesh consuming ball of flame". Apple have subsequently recalled all iPods without burn marks or putrefied flesh melted into the casing to their labs

"We will issue those people who feel we have conned them with a calculator which plays 'Yellow Rose Of Texas' as a replacement."

The calculator was marketed as the iCalc, an innovative device which, while rarely delivering the right answer has a thermonuclear device embedded in the software to ease both recharging and calls the the Apple complaints line.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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