With funding from the Catholic Church, the Republican Party and millions of Christian Conservative Evangelical small investors, De-Gay In 30 Days Inc has announced its revolutionary new De-Gay-atron,a laser powered gizmo that looks and sounds like Woody Allen's Orgasmatron in the film, Sleeper.
"Actually,that's where I got the idea", Tucson Bishop "Kick' em While they're down" Kicanas explained at a news conference, "I feel the pain of Gays and since most of our priests are gay pedophiles, I really feel the pain since our diocese had to declare bankruptsy because of all the Fr Uncle Ernie's fiddling about! They probably have ruined my rise to the papacy!"
Kicanas, an engineering major before his vocation to the priesthood,discovered that if you lock a gay person in a box for 30 days and fire lasers at them at 30 second intervals when they emerge they are no longer interested in gay sex.
Gay Conversionists have shown tremendous interest in Bishop K's de-programming machine. Parents of gay children have been knocking down the Bishop's Palace door and Pastors from all denominations have been sending him bills in every denomination to get in on the ground floor of the new company.
"I only wish I thought of the De-Gay-Atron before the bankruptcy, I could be on my way to Rome instead of that Cardinal Ratfink", Kicanas dreamt out loud with a really wild look in his eyes.