Today the Federal government released their monthly report on UFO sightings and Alien Invasions.
The Departments first set of figures reveals that only 10 per cent of people reporting UFO sightings have also seen the face of Jesus on a cupcake or other food items. This is a decress of 3 per cent from last month.
The bulk of the report deals with results of actual landings on earth, particularly in north america, by hostile alien invaders.
A FEMA radiation crew has been sent to the outskirts of Wheel of Fortune, New Mexico to sweep up the results of the failed invasion of the Gert, of the Tau Plankton gas cloud. The Gert, a highly radioactive moth like species thought their natural radiation would be enough to conquer the flowers of earth but discovered they had miscalculated earth's gravity and their ship was crushed like a paper cup as soon as they turned off their force field to disembark and begin invasion. Initial reports from FEMA indicate there is not enought radiation left to illuminate a wrist watch.
More sightings of Sasquatch in the NorthWest Canadian forests indicate the Shim Shim of the star cluster JoeBob are as lost as ever and have not shaved since touchdown in 1945.
Finally, the Gleen-Boffo armada is lodged in a size ten loafer in the closet of a Mr. Tweed Woolsey. The smell is reported as, "something awful" and various sprays and powders are being used to combat the tiny, stinky invaders.
In an unrelated story, Godzilla and the Loch Ness Monster have never been seen at the same time - Coincidence?