London Science Forum - (Rioters): Too much oral sex has been found to cause an unprecedented explosion in the growth of male breasts according to a report which says young men were once routinely warned about the possibility of this happening in 1960s British boarding schools.
"It used to be on the biology curriculum for 6th formers", said one source, "but there was a clampdown under Margaret Thatcher who as Education Secretary refused to stomp up any taxpayers' money for what she said was the teaching of filth to the nation's prospective fathers.
"Only now are we seeing the consequences of such ignorance as millions of Brit males realise they have ingested far too much female hormone instead of sticking to beer and stout like their fathers before them.
"And you can forget namby-pamby arguments that it's aftershave or condom lubricants that are the cause of the trouble. It isn't. It's the pussy juice and British males are responsible for imbibing an estimated 500 billion gallons of it every year.
"Truss me on this one, I'm a doctor."
There has been no comment from the BMA or the NHS so far.