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Thursday, 1 February 2007

image for First Whore on Mars Due to Land in 5 Days
Cheap Whore Astronaut

Cape Canaveral - Excitement has risen to a fever pitch this week among NASA scientists here as the latest and perhaps most controversial mission to Mars is due to land on the mysterious red planet this Monday. The landing culminates the nearly 2 year effort to put a cheap whore on the surface of Earth's closest and most intriguing celestial neighbor.

"We were fed up with sending out expensive robots that quite frankly were mostly non-functioning once they got there," explained NASA spokesman Drew Brady. "The whore we are sending has several advantages to the more traditional methods we've used in the past. First of all she's cheap and most importantly she knows how to work it. In fact there isn't much she won't do as opposed to the usual persnickety piles of complicated machinery that we usually send up that give us a hard time about doing the most simplest of motions like turning to the left a little bit."

Drew responds to the firestorm of protests that this mission has attracted with a philosophy that any follower of the "Keep It Simple Stupid" way of thinking would surely applaud.

"Previous missions to Mars to discover life have been way too over thought and overcomplicated. The focus has always been to analyze and dissect rocks to try to find bits of water on them. But believe me, the bitch we are sending up is so fine that if there is life on that planet if she don't find it, it'll find her, period. No damn robot can claim that!"

Despite the simple mission statement for the project, it hasn't been without its technical advances. A special space helmet was developed for the whore that has a rubber enclosed seal in the mouth area and the main suit has special other rubber seals around her other orifices for conducting "experiments". The only drawback to this unique spacesuit has been that the preliminary field testing here on Earth has taken several months longer than normal.

Public interest in this mission has far surpassed any other previous venture to Mars. The NASA website has reported a 10,000% increase in hits since the mission was announced.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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