"Tyrolian glaciers may melt away by 2050 ", according to Roland Pfeffernessen of the University of Innsbruck Glacier Studies department. Bad as this news may sound, Bobby "Doomsday" Jones claims to have discovered that there are no Alps, only really big glaciers.
Jones says that this means the entire Alpine range will just melt away "like so much sorbet on the hot tongue of an Austrian porn star". When Jones was asked which porn star he had in mind, he looked non-plussed: "Why Alyssa Alps of course! That hot mama could melt an iceberg just by removing her magnificently filled bikini top!"
U Hef Ner, Thai Glacierologist and porn aficionado begged to differ: "Dr Jones Iz Clazy! Everyone knows Inga Innsbruck with her 50'' bosoms makes Alyssa look like the Olive Oil of the Popeye cartoons - a carpenter's dream - flat as a board-a pirate's treasure-a sunken chest..." U would have continued with his hackneyed comparisons but Jones grabbed him by the throat and the two glacierologists spent the rest of the afternoon locked in mortal combat.
When George W Bush was asked about his opinion on the Alpine controversy he said that Laura and Jesus don't let him watch porn.
When ET McCrone, recently announced candidate for PrezMinister, was queried about the debate he said: "Call me old fashion but a nice modest mound of Venus and an aggressive program of fossil fuel reduction will preserve the Alpine range and the Innsbruck promitories."