Written by Dan Barash
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Wednesday, 24 January 2007

image for Scientists Discover Area of the Brain Responsible for Discovering Areas of the Brain
Dr. Goldman prefers a nontraditional lab for his brain research.

In an amazing feat of recursive neurophysiology, scientists have found the specific area of the brain used by humans to determine what specific areas of the brain are used for.

Dr. Gifford Goldman announced the discovery at the annual Brainiac meeting held by academics in Honolulu. "It's right here," said Goldman as he jabbed his pen into his skull, just behind his left ear. He finished his lecture the next day after getting six stitches and a laser pointer.

Scientists have long wondered if brain mapping skills are found in specific regions of the brain, or if they don't exist at all and the whole exercise has been a horrible waste of time.

Goldman convinced fellow brain scientists to have MRI scans taken of their brains as they pretended to analyze brain functions for hours on end. Goldman used this time to misappropriate their research funds and seduce a few of their graduate students.

When he got around to examining the results after a few beers, he found a specific brain area to be active during the brain analysis exercises. Or it may have been a reduced neurotransmitter concentration phenomenon in his own brain known as the Budweiser Effect. Always the optimist, he has named this new part of the brain the "Goldman Thingee".

Goldman plans to expand his research into a more metaphysical direction which he will develop while hanging out at Waikiki for the next several years.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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