Many Christians have denied evolution for years, insisting that their made-up 'intelligent design theory' was more believable. But now scientists have proven that if God does exist, which he probably doesn't, but if he does then he must have evolved from some simpler half-God, half-monkey creature which must have existed before the big bang. Further, this creature may itself have evolved from a toad, or even a rat.
This controversial theory has been backed up by the finding of 'God bones' in the Earth's fossil record. Two enormous ivory structures are reported to have been found in the Saharan desert. Scientists have hypothesised that they must have belonged to an early version of God before he evolved into his omnipotent status.
The Reverend Yeehaw Righteous of the Praise Jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesus Church had this to say. "How daaaaaare they say that our Lord in some kind of monkey! I don't worship no monkey! It's not as if they have any evidence, they should read the Bible, that's all the evidence a man needs. Haaaaaaaallelujah! Praaaaaaaaaaaise Jesus!"