SCIENCE DESK - The National Society for the Advancement of Technological Techniques has unearthed new facts about how the brave English created the world, so there.
They set out in wattle and daub boats because the woolly mammoth provided wool to cover most of them. Carbon-dated fossils show that King Erewego (homer-charcoaliensis) left England long before the Scots, and created advanced societies, and Wales.
Felicity Farmington-Family (17) senior junior curator of the British Museum of Fossilised Remains: 'I am straight out of university, and very advanced for my age. The first word in the world was a throat clearing owl-like noise, the Clavicle Hoot-Hawk, made by homer-charcoaliensis, therefore the English created the universe.'
Natalie Forcington-Smilie (16), a dangerous Westminster schoolgirl, said: 'Men chasing beasts wearing nothing is frightfully exciting.'
The Spoof science desk awaits further revelations about the English arising from technological advances that will benefit mankind.