Written by Lorenzo Lee
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Topics: Diet, water

Thursday, 11 December 2003

Coca Cola has announced the forthcoming release of its newest product line, Diet Water, which offers "not just zero calories---but negative one calorie" .

"Thought you could already slim down with just plain water? Think again!" was the Ad slogan initially presented to a focus group of commercial models and superstars such as Kate Moss, Gwyneth Paltrow, Mick Jagger and Keith Richards.

Scientists developing the diet water have tried the product on laboratory rats, with positive responses. "In all the trials conducted, the rats lost at least one pound after drinking Diet Water," a spokesman said.

One human trial was conducted, however, results were not disclosed.

"There is some amount of muriatic acid in the new product," said the spokesman. "Some drinkers may suffer from bleeding ulcers and internal organ damage, but that is minimal. If you want to get thin, that's the way to go."

Method actors Robert De Niro and Sean Penn are expected to try out the product first. Robert De Niro is to play an Ethiopian in his next film, while Sean Penn is playing an anorexic in his next movie.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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