Written by Jarvis
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Topics: ASDA

Monday, 15 January 2007

image for ASDA Shoppers are Scum - It's Official!
I bet they shop at ASDA

People who regularly shop at ASDA are scum a leading scientist said today, and that's official.

"This idea is not based on any mathematical equation as such", remarked Dr Piebold, "rather a general observation."

Having parked outside ASDA on numerous occasions Dr Piebold observed that most shoppers resembled the unhealthy projections of adult hood shown to negligent parents on "honey we're killing the kids" if they don't stop feeding their offspring crisps and woodbines.

"These people are scudament, scum of the worse sort" he ranted on the Richard & Judy Show yesterday evening.

Dr Piebold's research has taken him to ASDA supermarkets all over the town of Blackpool and there are, he says, consistent themes. ASDA shoppers

  • Smoke.
  • Live off Oven Chips.
  • Can't talk properly.
  • Don't wash.
  • Like Robbie Williams.
  • Don't like fruit.
  • Fight.


Dr Piebold asserts there is a sub-class of ASDA Scum he calls the Monied Scum, these are often middle aged and look very pleased with themselves. They can be identified by their proudly worn blue tooth ear pieces, they also visit prostitutes regularly.

When asked where he buys his groceries Dr Piebold answered the Spar, "I've shopped there forty years man and boy and I?m pleased to say it's a scum-free zone. Apart from the hoodies hanging around outside."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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