Written by President Bush
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Sunday, 14 January 2007

image for Microsoft Counters iPhone with Their xpPhone
Gates: "Our phone makes the iPhone look like this phone"

Not to be outdone by Steve Jobs, Bill Gates today announced his own version of Apple's iPhone. The xpPhone, according to Gates makes the iPhone look like, according to Gates, "That thing Wilma Flintstone used to pick up and answer when Fred called in saying he'd be late for dinner."

If Microsoft's promises are true (which they indeed ARE sometimes) the new xpPhone will not only do everything the iPhone does but also

  • Let you contact the dead
  • Swipe illegal music before it even hits the market
  • Download porn movies at 4.5 Megabits per second
  • UPLOAD porn movies at 4.5 Megabits per second
  • Order your pizza for you even when you don't want a pizza

"Plus a whole lot whole lot whole lot more" Gates says.

Running, as it's name says under the Windows XP operating system the xpPhone, according to Microsoft, will be 100% bug-free, 100% secure and to top it all off Microsoft is just going to GIVE them away! Free!

Larry King spoke with Gates about his startling announcement:

KING --> How can Microsoft make a profit giving away $500 xpPhones?

GATES -> (giggle)

Analysts in the know know that when Bill Gates gives away something for free, Gates will indeed one day get something in return. That "something" with the strings attached analysts have not yet figured out. One Tulsa man when asked if he'd plunk down $499 for a new iPhone or simply waltz into Best Buy and get an xpPhone for free replied,

"LOL"

Motorola, the former leader in cell phone technology neither confirms or denies rumors that their new motoPhone will allow you to call people in the past, present OR future.

"We're winning this cellular war" Gates promised saying,

"Steve did a good Job with that iPhone thing of his but business is business and parts is parts chu-CHING!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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