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Friday, 12 January 2007

image for Bush's Iraqi Speech Lulls Even a Dell Laptop to Sleep
Dell technicians struggle in vain to revive snoozing laptop

After 4 minutes of watching President Bush explaining his new "Not only are we THERE but here's why we're gonna BE there a tad" plan, one Illinois man fell fast asleep, confident that his Dell Latitude 3921 laptop would easily, with it's embedded "Tivo-on-Demand-for-a-price" chip record Bush's speech for later on-screen viewing/recycling.

ZONK!! Wrong answer.

As Pete Greenwood of Chicago put it,

"I woke up 2 hours later my Dell was fried. I couldn't even wake it up with ctl-alt-delete OR a call to Michael Dell. The laptop must have fallen asleep too listening to Bush rattle."

And "rattle" Bush did according to 5 of the 6 viewers who actually watched the entire speech without, like the Dell Laptop falling fast asleep. Bill O'Reilly, the one viewer who didn't call the president a "rattler" did admit however that Bush's claim that 'Global Warming/And/Or/Cooling' was the reason we were losing the war was a claim the Factor would have to have Drudge investigate before giving it a talking points nod.

The Dell Latitude 3921 laptop has, according to reviewers performed admirably for seemingly ages. One reviewer commented,

"Although I wasn't one of the 6 people to watch the president's Iraq speech I have to say that it had to be one slumber-fest of a snooze festival Mr Bush I-broadcasted to put a Dell Latitude to sleep let alone fry it's motherboard. The thing must have instinctively committed puter-cide rather than transmit data that the president's been transmitting for years that the CPU already knew."

Pete Greenwood has, according to sources, requested reimbursement from the White House for the loss of his computer. Speaking with KCHI reporters he said,

"I called Dell tech support over in Thailand. All they could tell me was that I shouldn't have been using the Latitude to view President Bush in the FIRST place let alone try and record anything he might say."

Greenwood then went on to tell reporters,

"Since Dell didn't put that warning in their user guide I'm suing Dell AND Bush for a new Latitude. AND of course 13 Million dollars for my time and trouble dealing with you reporters."

Condoleezza Rice denies rumors that she WASN'T one of the 6 humans to watch the president's speech in it's entirety.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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